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This is my monthly newsletter where I share practical insights on leadership and culture drawn from my work coaching Fortune 500 executives, nonprofit leaders, and founders.
Looking for my leadership cheat sheets and frameworks? You’ll find the link to the full library at the end of this email.
Every family has that topic.
The one everyone avoids at Thanksgiving or family gatherings.
Maybe it's:
Uncle’s job search: six months and counting, but we all ask about his “projects” instead.
Mum’s memory: the missed details, the repeated stories, the worry no one will voice.
The family fight from five years ago: the wound that never healed because it was never addressed.
You know the moment. Everyone feels it in the room.
The tension is thick. Someone changes the subject.
Another shoots a warning glance. Don't go there.
It’s not just family dynamics.
I see it all the time when I debrief team assessments.
Same pattern. Just different stakes and job titles.
The harmony trap
Here's what we tell ourselves: If I don't bring it up, maybe it will resolve itself. Or: I don't want to ruin the mood; everyone else seems fine with it.
We confuse smooth meetings with healthy teams. We mistake pleasant interactions for psychological safety. We assume that no conflict means good culture.
But here's what I've learned coaching many teams: If your meetings are always harmonious, someone's paying the price. Usually you, your team, or your organization.
What are you really paying for harmony?
When you choose to "keep the peace" instead of speaking the truth that needs to be said, here's what you're creating:
The cost to you:
You spend enormous energy managing what’s unsaid.
You become exhausted from self-betrayal, knowing what's true but not saying it.
You lose your groundedness, your presence, your integrity.
Your heart beats faster in meetings when the topic comes up, and you stay silent.
Your body keeps the score even when your mouth stays closed. [How high are your shoulders right now?]
The cost to your team:
Your silence gives them permission to stay silent.
They’re watching you to see if speaking up is safe. If you don’t, they learn: it’s not.
You teach them that the "undiscussables" are off-limits.
They stop bringing their critical thinking.
They stop surfacing concerns.
The cost to your organization:
Strategic flaws go unchallenged.
Toxic behavior doesn’t get addressed.
Your best people quit quietly, not because the work is hard, but because the truth isn’t welcome.
Culture stagnates; fear and complacency replace curiosity and collaboration.
When you prioritize harmony over truth, you destroy the very thing that creates high performance.
Feeling safe, the ability to speak up without fear, is the single greatest predictor of team performance.
Safety doesn't mean everyone's comfortable.
It means hard truths can be shared and received.
If this feels close to home, maybe it's time to ask yourself:
What conversation have I been avoiding? And what becomes possible when I finally have it?
If you’re wondering how to say the hard thing, here’s a framework I use often with leaders navigating the same tension:
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The Art of Human-Centered Leadership: Coaching Notes
Every weekday, I share insights on human-centered leadership, team dynamics, and workplace culture on LinkedIn. Here are 4 posts from the past month that capture these themes:
Thank you for reading!
Know that I am here for you and your leadership journey.
With love and support, Michelle
Cheat Sheet Library
p.s... As promised, click the button for my cheat sheets on feedback, supporting your team, navigating uncertainty and more!
Whether you're looking to transform your own leadership or develop stronger leaders across your organization, let's talk about the culture change you're ready to create.
myfactor guides Fortune 500s, non-profits, and founder-led ventures through critical leadership challenges. We develop human-centered leaders who build trust through meaningful connections - the foundation of high-performing teams and thriving culture.