In my coaching work, I often talk about the gap between what we know and what we can embody.
This month, I'm reflecting on how that showed up for me, not in a boardroom, but at the deep end of a pool.
I returned to lessons this Fall to finally feel comfortable in the water.
And that's when something strange happened.
I've jumped into the deep end before and know I can do it.
But in my last two lessons, I froze at the edge.
My mind is clear. My body will not move.
As I stood there, staring at the water, I realized something.
This is what leadership freeze looks like.
The freeze is not about capability.
It is about fear. Often unspoken. Always protective.
Shaped by the identities we built to stay safe.
What part of you still hesitates, even when the path is clear?
Here's the framework I walk through with clients to help them move from insight to integration.
LENS: What story are you telling yourself?
Here's what I know intellectually:
I can swim. I trust the water will support me as I rise back up.
But the gap isn't between knowing and doing.
It's between who I believe I am and what my nervous system still isn't sure is safe to become.
The story I’ve told myself? That I’m only safe when I’m fully certain.
LIMIT: What part of your identity are you protecting?
I keep coming back to my first swimming lesson when I was five. I cried until I hyperventilated, and my dad had to come pick me up from school.
That day, my nervous system made a decision: uncertainty in water equals danger.
For decades, I've lived inside that story, not just about water, but about action without certainty. I've never been the one who jumps in. I've been the one who waits, the one who needs safety before moving.
The limit isn't just fear. It's loyalty to an old identity that helped me survive. The careful one who only moves when nothing can go wrong.
Now, every time I stand at the edge of the pool, or a decision, I feel that identity resisting.
Not because I can't act. But because part of me still believes acting without certainty is betrayal.
LEVERAGE: What small, safe reps could rewire your nervous system?
What if the goal isn't to force the jump before I'm ready, but to give my nervous system the safe repetitions it needs to update the protection protocol?
The transformation isn't the jump itself.
It's building the capacity to act before I feel certain.
Not by overriding fear, but by teaching my body what safety actually feels like.
So how does this framework apply in practice?
The freeze happens in the gap between mental knowledge and embodied trust.
Integration doesn't happen through more analysis. It happens through repeated practice of acting before you feel certain.
Here's what we miss in leadership: ai
Strategic thinking gets you to the decision. But if you never let yourself feel it, you stay frozen between knowing and doing.
We become excellent at strategic distances. But we struggle with integration.
The jump isn't just intellectual. It's emotional.
Without integration, you make the decision but never fully commit.
Your mind moves forward while your body stays frozen at the edge.
The freeze happens not because you don't know what to do, but because you haven't let yourself feel the truth of it yet.
Does this gap between knowing and doing show up in your leadership? I would love to hear where you see it. Reply and share. I read every message, and if you want to explore working together, we can talk about that too.
The Art of Human-Centered Leadership: Coaching Notes
Every weekday, I share insights on human-centered leadership, team dynamics, and workplace culture on LinkedIn. Here are 4 posts from the past month that capture these themes:
Thank you for reading!
Know that I am here for you and your leadership journey.
With love and support, Michelle
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